The Episodes.

A little over three years ago I had a little too much on me, to love. I have no idea how that happened (well, maybe a little) but it did. Then a little after a year later I started shrinking, literally. And I mean, really.

I amused myself thinking that the pool at Ngah's house shredded my fat to pieces but after a while more, I got nervously curious. Was my congkang-kelalak swimming style really that magical? Or was there something spookier that was eating me alive?

And so I enjoyed losing weight a little lesser by the kilos. Because with those shed-off pain, I gained a few other pouts my head (plus 3 other doctors' supposedly-smart head) couldn't explain.

I was hungry all the time, so I ate all the time. Though I ate all the time, I kept losing weight all that time. (Heaven though kan? :))

My nights were frustratingly sleepless, at times I felt like crying. At other times I felt like chewing on pills.

Oh I couldn't stand heat! And by heat I mean 16 degrees C. I felt panas temperature-ly and my hati was panas aggravatingly so easily!

But weirdly so, I shivered. My whole body. My back, my bones, my voice. I quivered so frenziedly that it shook my heart. My resting heartbeat was 130/minute. Even when I was sleeping I was running...

...and now I gotta run to class...hehe.

To be continued...

Making Ummi's Day.

It's Ummi's birthday tomorrow. She would have been 61. But because life has decided that it was time for her to rest, it took her back before she got to live that number. If it had been an open discussion when that decision was made, we would have screamed a big painful No! I tell you. But I guess such is life. And such is loss.

So if she was around she'd get wishes and kisses from her husband of 38 years, her 8 over-protective children and 4+2 adoring grander children. She'd get cakes but she'd be the last one to even get close to the candles because she'd let the 4+2 monchies take turn blowing them and that, would be her kind of celebration.

She'd get presents but unless we insist that she opens them herself, she'd distribute them to each of her little screamers to unwrap. And if the gifts were something she could put on, she would put them on the very second they touch her hands.

And she may have tears in her eyes but we'd all pretend not to see it.

And she would talk about it for days, to everyone else who wasn't there to share it.

Happy birthday tomorrow Mi!

Tiat Not Broken, Hati Not Healed.

Unlike this 'Matt and Miss Tepung' whom I know pretty well (you know who you are hehe...), I don't really go for pizza. Yumm all you want but neither the tepung nor it's sticky springy meleleh cheese can make me drool.

The soul reason why I'd still give it a go from time to time however, is because where I'm at, I don't have to GO and get it. It comes to me when I call. So you can say that the convenience, is even more menyelerakan than the makanan.

Anyway, there was this one blue day when I actually needed to be somewhere else but I went ahead and made that fatful call first before leaving. I shouldn't have. But I did.

I had too much faith in me that my relationship with Pizza Hut must have blossomed over the long period of silence between us. I thought my heart has gotten cold and Pizza Hut's gotten delivery-ly hot. I was wrong.

I was promised a 45-minute delivery.

Ninety minutes later, as I got tired of standing by the window, I decided to make a second call. Don't you just loathhhhee making these kinds of calls?! Malas nyaaaa nak bertekak when I know I'll be getting alasan demi alasan no matter what innocent denials they tell themselves!

I was given yet another promise. That the delivery guy had already left with my order and he should be at my doorstep in ten minutes, AND I'd get a free voucher for their late service.

Free vouchers kunun! Like that was gonna heal me! Tak pe, we'll see.

Ten minutes later, nothing happened. No doorbells, no delivery boy, no pizzas, no eat, no mood. I had to wait yet another thirty minutes before I got a call from the delivery boy.

"Kak, Akak ada order pizza kan?"

I almost said "Yes, 2 years ago," but I managed an "Iyyaa".

"Ok macam ni, saya dah sampai kat bawah apartment akak ni, akak turun amik boleh?"

"Hah?"

Tetiba I felt dizzy. Then I felt like sensenging tangan baju, tangan seluar, tangan tudung semua! Budak ni nak kena pelangkung dengan aku ni! "Kenapa pulak saya yang nak kena turun?! Tak pernah-pernah dalam seumur hidup saya order delivery tapi kena pegi amik sendiri! Baik saya pegi amik kat dapur kedai je tadi!".

"Uhh...mmm...ooo...ok. Akak duduk block mana ek?" Aiiik? Macam mana engkau dah sampai baru nak tanya dinda di mana?

"Block Tujuuuhhhhh".

"Mmm...Block Tujuh, tingkat berapa?"

"Tingkat sepuluhhh". I almost cried.

"Sepuluh? Tingginya Kak?!"

That's it! "Bukannya awak kena naik tangga!" By now my voice had reached Level 45.

Never in my life had I come across such a +*!$#&@ something something! Oh my goodness gracious! Don't they know how vicious hungry customers can be?!

Belum sempat I habis meraungkan lara hati to my fellow hungry-mates, my doorbell rang.

I opened the door and there he was, the boy. Really, he was biologically a boy aging somewhat 16 or 8, looking as young and frightened as he should be.

There were no greetings from neither of us. He just handed me my pizzas, and as I was putting them down I saw that the boxes were damp and cold and lunyai. As damp and cold and lunyai nya hati I seeing my most-fought-over food looking like it had come from the bottom of a garbage bin.

"Mana Free Vouchers nya dik?"

"Ha?"

"Customer Service kata saya dapat Free Vouchers".

"Mmm...err..Free Vouchers? Saya tak tau. Manager saya tak cakap pun pasal tu Kak."

I didn't wanna let it go easy, not then. "Awak call dia sekarang!".

"Err...Kak, battery saya dah habis la." Entah ya, entah tidak!

"Battery awak habis, battery saya banyak. Biar saya call. Bagi saya phone number manager awak".

I didn't notice if his hands were shaking, but I knew mine were. Upset tak upset nya I di kala itu! Ada lagi yang nak kena baham ni!

I asked the manager about the vouchers, but I didn't stop there. I grumbled and whined about her lunyai late service, about having been asked to get the pizzas from downstairs, about her pizza boxes and pizza boy yang lembik.

The manager's excuse was that the boy was new.

She asked me if I'd like a replacement.

What did you think I said?

I let the delivery boy go after paying what I owed him. He looked like he wanted to flee the scene as soon as he got the money but I stopped him.

"RM45.20 kira dulu!"

He did. Then he looked at me, and nodded, signaling that the amount was right.

"Dik, lain kali...belajar! Tak tau, tanya!"

I don't know if he did learn any lessons that day. But if I were him I'd learn never to deliver me anything ever again!

We were halfway through stomaching pizza lunyai when the bell rang.

There he was, the same lunyai boy, with not-at-all lunyai newly baked pizzas.

Apart from my Thank You and four large boxes of pizzas, there were still no greetings from us. I let him go and closed the door. Delivering me more pizzas within twenty minutes, I think he was punished enough.

p/s: This is in response to Ngah's request that I blog about it. She was at the scene as my witness, and happens to be the mother of the Matt Tepung in question. Miss Tepung's identity will be revealed when necessary.

Do You Know Linda Ali?

Ini adalah petikan dari percakapan kecil di antara saya dengan dia. Coba lah selami nilai-nilai murni yang dapat kiranya diambil dari cerita ini ya.

Dia: Ohh...mengajar. Cikgu la ni? Mengajar sekolah rendah ke menengah?

Saya: Saya mengajar di UPM.

Dia: Eh? Dalam UPM ada sekolah eh?

Saya: Aak? (Sambil segera tersenyum sopan) Tak...saya mengajar students UPM.

Dia: Ohhh ok...UPM Serdang ke?

Saya: (Dah mula rasa tak berapa bahagia di saat ini sambil tercari-cari jawapan yang berpatutan)

Dia: Ha, kalau UPM, awak kenal tak Linda Ali? Sepupu saya tu. Dia kerja situ jugak, suami dia orang Melaka.

Saya: Linda Ali? (Mencuba juga sedaya upaya untuk kenal itu orang). Dia di Fakulti mana ya?

Dia: Tak tau la Fakulti mana. Tapi rasanya kerja pejabat la. Tak kenal?

...

Hampir-hampir saya merasa kekurangan gara-gara tidak mengenali akan sepupu Cik Polan itu. :(

A Treadmill Mild Threat.

I was on a treadmill at the gym some time last week - yeah I'm showing off my newly picked up hobby - and running next to me was a tall, very dark, and presumably handsome guy.

'Presumably' because I only saw him from the corner of eye. I didn't turn to look. I could not bring myself to.

I couldn't risk the chances of him knowing how I felt about his presence. I mean, I wasn't sure if we'd met before, surely we hadn't or I would have remembered him...but the truth was too hard to bear. I wanted to hit the Stop button and just quit but I couldn't bring myself to do that too so I stayed.

5 minutes left on the machine before I should slow down. I pretended to watch the TV right in front of me as I eventually slowed down to brisk walking. When my time was finally up, I graciously reached for my water bottle and face towel and stepped down from the machine, breathing and looking as normally as I possibly could. He must not know I needed to get away from him. The closeness was tormenting me.

Leaving the gym I wondered if I had done the right thing. Should I've just told him what I wanted to say? Would that be too forward for a lady like me? Should I just keep avoiding him the next time he runs next to me?

Man! How do I tell him he stinks?!

Hari Raya, Selamat.

One day after work last Syawal, as I reached the elevator to my apartment and was waiting for the doors to open, a few neighbouring kids suddenly hovered around me asking if they could come over to my house for Raya.

I stopped short at the unexpected proposal. I assumed that the kids were around 6 & 7 years old but I mean, did I even know them? Well, ok maybe that question is not relevant when it comes to Raya but when did this happen? When did coming over for Raya become a proposition made by strangers at elevator doors? I couldn't help but gave in to my surprise while letting my brain regain consciousness.

Seeing that I took awhile to decide, one of them tried to force a Yes out of me and as a matter-of-factly said "Boleh la 'Achik'", while pushing themselves in between the closing elevator doors to get in and join me.

Feeling ambushed, I gently told them that I was tired, that perhaps next time would be a better time.

As I got to my floor and the doors opened, I stepped out thinking that I must have disappointed them and that they'd run home and tell their mothers how sinned I was. Instead, I realized that my refusal did not at all deter them from following me to my doorstep!

"Kalau cam tu, Achik kasi duit je lah."

Hah?

That's it! That made me feel like pulling them by their ears and dragging them to their doorstep while bitching about them to their own mothers! "Ni anak Akak ke ni? Akak tau tak anak Akak ni dah menconteng arang pada memori Hari Raya saya masa saya kecik-kecik dulu? Itu belum lagi saya bukak cerita pasal adab ziarah-menziarahi jiran tetangga. Hah, hari Raya macam ni, masa saya dulu mana ada mintak-mintak duit dengan orang ni Kak oii! Ini kan pulak main tunggu and mintak tepi jalan je. Ye ni anak Akak ni? Ke anak angkat? Lain benor perangainya! Ye lah...memang lah ada masa nya saya pun merasa jugak dapat duit Raya kat depan pintu tak sempat nak masuk makan kuih semperit tapi at least tuan rumah yang bagi alternative tu, bukan saya! Kalau arwah Umi saya tau ni, mengucap panjang dia Akak tau?"

As I in-reality actually got to my front door, I turned around and said, "Kalau betul nak datang Raya, buat cara nak Raya. Balik umah, tukar dulu t-shirt dengan seluar pendek ni, pakai baju Melayu, pas tu datang balik. Time tu baru Aci-aci ni bukak pintu! Boleh?"

They went quiet and just stared at each other.

And left.

And never came back.

Ever.