Tuesday, February 24, 2009

My Bad


I've learned that i cant go visit Umi at the hospital early in the morning before i go to work. I cant see her and then leave for my classes. I can go in the afternoon, after my 2pm class or even later in the day say at 4, or 5, that i can. I can go at any other time twice a day or more and stay till 7pm because that's when visiting hours end unless the nurses let us stay longer which they usually do. But i cant go and see her before i've done everything else i wanna do at work or in class or else i cant do anything.


I'm not talking about capability or convenience, or even time. I'm not talking about my Pengarah or his Timbalan or my other Ketua Bidang and Ketua Kursus who fail to understand because they really do understand to a point where they can do it better than i can sometimes...no, it's not them.


I'm talking about me. I'm talking about my inability to stay as positive as the status i put on Facebook if i go see her before i do anything else.


I'm admitting that i cant do it. I cant start my day seeing her different from the way i'm used to. I cant take it if she doesn't feel my grip on her hand and then off i go for my meeting.


I cant.


And please, don't tell me to be strong as if yours is the only brain who's ever thought of it and besides, if what i am or what i am not or what i do or don't do right now is not strong, i don't think even you know what that is.

5 comments:

Ahau - Dee said...

I'm not going to say Be Strong or Sabar ... Just Do IT !!! Apa jer yang awak rasa patut dilakukan.

You know better kan.

Enida said...

Kan!

Bila orang cakap, "Be strong, be strong." impact dia is MUCH less than bila orang cakap, "I know you are strong." In fact, "Be strong" almost has a negative effect - as it is as though people couldn't see that we ARE strong, so we need to be reminded to BE strong or stronger.

Trust me, we sisters have gone seven months psycho-analyzing what people say yang membuatkan kita lagi nak nangis or yang membuatkan kita rolling our eyes like it's nobody's business.

Yeah, people might think we are two ungrateful psycho sisters. Mo ham lah hor, KaCher? Huaaaaaa!

silent reader said...

I'm not going to say that either. and again when people said they understand how we feel... they actually don't!

Effa Mas said...

Dee...Wokeh, i'm doing it! You'll be my witness k?

Sis...you always validate my rasa no matter how ungrateful i can be...tau doh! Hehe...

Silent Reader, a pleasure to have u here. Yup...they always assume what they say is exactly what we wanna hear kan?

~n@beLL@z~ said...

to think about it...if it happened to me...i too dont wanna really here the phrase "be strong"...maybe its to common...rite...it doesnt have the umph behind it...maybe i'll say god is just testing you...and guess what...god doesnt test you with situations that god knows you cant handle...so just be you....because that YOU that you have been being is enough all this time along to fight all the situations god could offer you...miss you kak mas!!