Tiat Not Broken, Hati Not Healed.

Unlike this 'Matt and Miss Tepung' whom I know pretty well (you know who you are hehe...), I don't really go for pizza. Yumm all you want but neither the tepung nor it's sticky springy meleleh cheese can make me drool.

The soul reason why I'd still give it a go from time to time however, is because where I'm at, I don't have to GO and get it. It comes to me when I call. So you can say that the convenience, is even more menyelerakan than the makanan.

Anyway, there was this one blue day when I actually needed to be somewhere else but I went ahead and made that fatful call first before leaving. I shouldn't have. But I did.

I had too much faith in me that my relationship with Pizza Hut must have blossomed over the long period of silence between us. I thought my heart has gotten cold and Pizza Hut's gotten delivery-ly hot. I was wrong.

I was promised a 45-minute delivery.

Ninety minutes later, as I got tired of standing by the window, I decided to make a second call. Don't you just loathhhhee making these kinds of calls?! Malas nyaaaa nak bertekak when I know I'll be getting alasan demi alasan no matter what innocent denials they tell themselves!

I was given yet another promise. That the delivery guy had already left with my order and he should be at my doorstep in ten minutes, AND I'd get a free voucher for their late service.

Free vouchers kunun! Like that was gonna heal me! Tak pe, we'll see.

Ten minutes later, nothing happened. No doorbells, no delivery boy, no pizzas, no eat, no mood. I had to wait yet another thirty minutes before I got a call from the delivery boy.

"Kak, Akak ada order pizza kan?"

I almost said "Yes, 2 years ago," but I managed an "Iyyaa".

"Ok macam ni, saya dah sampai kat bawah apartment akak ni, akak turun amik boleh?"

"Hah?"

Tetiba I felt dizzy. Then I felt like sensenging tangan baju, tangan seluar, tangan tudung semua! Budak ni nak kena pelangkung dengan aku ni! "Kenapa pulak saya yang nak kena turun?! Tak pernah-pernah dalam seumur hidup saya order delivery tapi kena pegi amik sendiri! Baik saya pegi amik kat dapur kedai je tadi!".

"Uhh...mmm...ooo...ok. Akak duduk block mana ek?" Aiiik? Macam mana engkau dah sampai baru nak tanya dinda di mana?

"Block Tujuuuhhhhh".

"Mmm...Block Tujuh, tingkat berapa?"

"Tingkat sepuluhhh". I almost cried.

"Sepuluh? Tingginya Kak?!"

That's it! "Bukannya awak kena naik tangga!" By now my voice had reached Level 45.

Never in my life had I come across such a +*!$#&@ something something! Oh my goodness gracious! Don't they know how vicious hungry customers can be?!

Belum sempat I habis meraungkan lara hati to my fellow hungry-mates, my doorbell rang.

I opened the door and there he was, the boy. Really, he was biologically a boy aging somewhat 16 or 8, looking as young and frightened as he should be.

There were no greetings from neither of us. He just handed me my pizzas, and as I was putting them down I saw that the boxes were damp and cold and lunyai. As damp and cold and lunyai nya hati I seeing my most-fought-over food looking like it had come from the bottom of a garbage bin.

"Mana Free Vouchers nya dik?"

"Ha?"

"Customer Service kata saya dapat Free Vouchers".

"Mmm...err..Free Vouchers? Saya tak tau. Manager saya tak cakap pun pasal tu Kak."

I didn't wanna let it go easy, not then. "Awak call dia sekarang!".

"Err...Kak, battery saya dah habis la." Entah ya, entah tidak!

"Battery awak habis, battery saya banyak. Biar saya call. Bagi saya phone number manager awak".

I didn't notice if his hands were shaking, but I knew mine were. Upset tak upset nya I di kala itu! Ada lagi yang nak kena baham ni!

I asked the manager about the vouchers, but I didn't stop there. I grumbled and whined about her lunyai late service, about having been asked to get the pizzas from downstairs, about her pizza boxes and pizza boy yang lembik.

The manager's excuse was that the boy was new.

She asked me if I'd like a replacement.

What did you think I said?

I let the delivery boy go after paying what I owed him. He looked like he wanted to flee the scene as soon as he got the money but I stopped him.

"RM45.20 kira dulu!"

He did. Then he looked at me, and nodded, signaling that the amount was right.

"Dik, lain kali...belajar! Tak tau, tanya!"

I don't know if he did learn any lessons that day. But if I were him I'd learn never to deliver me anything ever again!

We were halfway through stomaching pizza lunyai when the bell rang.

There he was, the same lunyai boy, with not-at-all lunyai newly baked pizzas.

Apart from my Thank You and four large boxes of pizzas, there were still no greetings from us. I let him go and closed the door. Delivering me more pizzas within twenty minutes, I think he was punished enough.

p/s: This is in response to Ngah's request that I blog about it. She was at the scene as my witness, and happens to be the mother of the Matt Tepung in question. Miss Tepung's identity will be revealed when necessary.

Do You Know Linda Ali?

Ini adalah petikan dari percakapan kecil di antara saya dengan dia. Coba lah selami nilai-nilai murni yang dapat kiranya diambil dari cerita ini ya.

Dia: Ohh...mengajar. Cikgu la ni? Mengajar sekolah rendah ke menengah?

Saya: Saya mengajar di UPM.

Dia: Eh? Dalam UPM ada sekolah eh?

Saya: Aak? (Sambil segera tersenyum sopan) Tak...saya mengajar students UPM.

Dia: Ohhh ok...UPM Serdang ke?

Saya: (Dah mula rasa tak berapa bahagia di saat ini sambil tercari-cari jawapan yang berpatutan)

Dia: Ha, kalau UPM, awak kenal tak Linda Ali? Sepupu saya tu. Dia kerja situ jugak, suami dia orang Melaka.

Saya: Linda Ali? (Mencuba juga sedaya upaya untuk kenal itu orang). Dia di Fakulti mana ya?

Dia: Tak tau la Fakulti mana. Tapi rasanya kerja pejabat la. Tak kenal?

...

Hampir-hampir saya merasa kekurangan gara-gara tidak mengenali akan sepupu Cik Polan itu. :(

A Treadmill Mild Threat.

I was on a treadmill at the gym some time last week - yeah I'm showing off my newly picked up hobby - and running next to me was a tall, very dark, and presumably handsome guy.

'Presumably' because I only saw him from the corner of eye. I didn't turn to look. I could not bring myself to.

I couldn't risk the chances of him knowing how I felt about his presence. I mean, I wasn't sure if we'd met before, surely we hadn't or I would have remembered him...but the truth was too hard to bear. I wanted to hit the Stop button and just quit but I couldn't bring myself to do that too so I stayed.

5 minutes left on the machine before I should slow down. I pretended to watch the TV right in front of me as I eventually slowed down to brisk walking. When my time was finally up, I graciously reached for my water bottle and face towel and stepped down from the machine, breathing and looking as normally as I possibly could. He must not know I needed to get away from him. The closeness was tormenting me.

Leaving the gym I wondered if I had done the right thing. Should I've just told him what I wanted to say? Would that be too forward for a lady like me? Should I just keep avoiding him the next time he runs next to me?

Man! How do I tell him he stinks?!

Hari Raya, Selamat.

One day after work last Syawal, as I reached the elevator to my apartment and was waiting for the doors to open, a few neighbouring kids suddenly hovered around me asking if they could come over to my house for Raya.

I stopped short at the unexpected proposal. I assumed that the kids were around 6 & 7 years old but I mean, did I even know them? Well, ok maybe that question is not relevant when it comes to Raya but when did this happen? When did coming over for Raya become a proposition made by strangers at elevator doors? I couldn't help but gave in to my surprise while letting my brain regain consciousness.

Seeing that I took awhile to decide, one of them tried to force a Yes out of me and as a matter-of-factly said "Boleh la 'Achik'", while pushing themselves in between the closing elevator doors to get in and join me.

Feeling ambushed, I gently told them that I was tired, that perhaps next time would be a better time.

As I got to my floor and the doors opened, I stepped out thinking that I must have disappointed them and that they'd run home and tell their mothers how sinned I was. Instead, I realized that my refusal did not at all deter them from following me to my doorstep!

"Kalau cam tu, Achik kasi duit je lah."

Hah?

That's it! That made me feel like pulling them by their ears and dragging them to their doorstep while bitching about them to their own mothers! "Ni anak Akak ke ni? Akak tau tak anak Akak ni dah menconteng arang pada memori Hari Raya saya masa saya kecik-kecik dulu? Itu belum lagi saya bukak cerita pasal adab ziarah-menziarahi jiran tetangga. Hah, hari Raya macam ni, masa saya dulu mana ada mintak-mintak duit dengan orang ni Kak oii! Ini kan pulak main tunggu and mintak tepi jalan je. Ye ni anak Akak ni? Ke anak angkat? Lain benor perangainya! Ye lah...memang lah ada masa nya saya pun merasa jugak dapat duit Raya kat depan pintu tak sempat nak masuk makan kuih semperit tapi at least tuan rumah yang bagi alternative tu, bukan saya! Kalau arwah Umi saya tau ni, mengucap panjang dia Akak tau?"

As I in-reality actually got to my front door, I turned around and said, "Kalau betul nak datang Raya, buat cara nak Raya. Balik umah, tukar dulu t-shirt dengan seluar pendek ni, pakai baju Melayu, pas tu datang balik. Time tu baru Aci-aci ni bukak pintu! Boleh?"

They went quiet and just stared at each other.

And left.

And never came back.

Ever.

Yang Tinggal.

Aidil Adha semalam, genaplah 50 hari Ummi pergi. Whether or not we've let her go, she's gone. She wont be there when we go home. She wont be there, anywhere, anymore.

And like I have failed a few things in life, I have failed writing about her. Even that. I'd feel miserable. And I'd indeed failed miserably.

I'm aware of what yesterday was. I did. But as if life had to be punished, nobody was home to celebrate it. But then again, maybe it's that, that we walked away from. Celebrating.

So...no rendang, no baju Raya this time.

But if death is what life is about, then we are dealing with it, celebrating or mourning, together or alone.

It hasn't been easy. Still, I pray that it will never be.

So That Isn't Life.

Twenty years ago, the only choice i knew was to live life like it was an obligation regardless of whether or not i understood what the heaven it meant. I just knew not to ask. I did what i was expected to do and i was expected to finish what i did. Never questioned, never strayed.

Ironically that difficult life made me what i am today and without force, i am humbly gratified.

But twenty years later - to someone else whose blood inescapably relates to mine - life is seemingly a matter of 'un-choosing' choices he once made, like it is as legal as hitting on his Backspace key, like his life owes nobody.

I am going home today to break the news to him that life is not that kind. Life is never kind, if he's not.

Excuse me.

In between Meredith Grey and my students' email, i lost my voice.

Hooked on Books.

When you're in that rare mood to read, and you find yourself going back and forth those endless shelves at either Borders or MPH, or Kinokuniya how do you do it? I mean, yeah, how do you pick out a novel, decide on it, and triumphantly make it to the cashier?

Does it depend on:-
1. the title?
Me: Yes. I won't go near anything that spoils my imagination like We're NOT Meant To Be. (Duhh!)
Me: These days I cover my eyes passing through those with the word 'Shopaholic'. (No offence)
Me: I'm so easily attracted to the ones in the form of a question like Will You Be There?

2. the design of the cover?
Me: Ideally no, but for me Yes. I find that my eyes skip those with stick men or real photos or real men, or real women for that matter because they influence my own already wild imaginations of how the characters should look like. I prefer either a blurry real photo of say a pair of hands, or somebody from behind, or better, something i cant even define.

3. the synopsis?
Me: Do you even read the synopsis? Well i do, i mean, how else would you decide but lately i notice that i've avoided doing even that. I find that some synopsis spoils the thrill of reading or worse, it doesn't even do justice to the story.

4. the author?
Me: I try not to. I don't wanna be stuck on one author and miss out on the others. Sometimes I get tired of how stereotypical they can be. But of course i do have favourites.

5. the price?
Me: Nope. (My theory: One only brings himself to enter a bookstore when one is ready to do a little rare spending)

6. the similarities between the fiction and your reality?

Me: Naah. Haven't found one anyway.

7. the first page of the first chapter?
Me: Yes oh yes! I believe that's where i can tell whether or not the novel is my kind of novel. If i like the first page, i'd like the rest of it. If i get nauseas, i'd drop it. This one here is the defining factor ladies and gentlemen. If the book is wrapped, i'd either tear it, or i'll just forget about tearing it because there are cameras everywhere and so eventually i'll forget about the novel too. I'm not a risk-taker when it comes to novels, no way.

So, if a novel has it all, i'll run to the cashier with a copy in my hand. That will be my lucky day. But if i find only 1/7 that's when i'll be going back and forth the whole bookstore looking for that one perfect book, until that perfect book finds me, or so they say.

I know two of which have just found me. Now if you excuse me...

Don't.

I am so reaching a stage of Whatever right now. I've been understanding, i've been kind. But like millions of other things in life, there is such a thing called limit. And no matter how trivial that may sound, you shouldn't mess with it.

Because when that happens, you wont deserve as much as a look from me. You can cry all your blood out, i'm done.

So kindly, be warned.

Baiklah.

Yang baik dibalas baik tu, biasa. Yang jahat dibalas baik tu, lebih baik. Tapi yang baik jadi jahat sebab dah tak tahan jadi baik tu macam mana ya?

What if itu je caranya nak balas sebab dah letih buat baik dengan orang jahat? Makin orang baik ni baik, makin orang yang tak baik tu menjadi-jadi tak baiknya so sudahnya, orang baik pun dah malas nak buat baik.

Tapi biasanya orang baik jadi tak baik adalah dengan niat dan harapan supaya orang yang tak baik tu, setidak-tidaknya berhentilah buat tak baik tu. DAN orang baik ni sebenarnya nak orang tak baik tu tahu, orang baik pun boleh jadi tak baik jugak, tak ke?

Tapi saya rasa, susah sebenarnya jadi orang baik ni. Kena banyak senyum, kena banyak sabar, kena banyak faham, kena banyak diam, kena banyak terima, sudahnya...orang tak baik ingatkan orang baik ni bodoh! Tak ke susah tu?

Dah lah...buat-buat setuju je, ya?